Psh. I got way more action than Carrie Bradshaw ever did. I agree you should grow up though. America isn't out to get you. There is no "The Happening". Just chill bro. Chill. Don't take shit so seriously and you'll be happier for it.
There's my good deed for the day. Now I have to balance that out with an act of sheer depravity and malice. Gotta think of something good.